Do’s and Don’ts of Teletherapy

Then #2020 happened and here we are.

(Please note, I like to eat my crow with a side of Caesar salad and a baked potato.)

Now I feel like I pulled a Fresh Prince style make over of my life and everything got flipped turned upside down. I’m doing therapy in ways I never predicted, in a setting I never imagined, and having to eat my own words about where I thought I’d be in 5 years, let alone 12 months. Not only am I running my own business, building a practice from scratch, and technically being an entrepreneur, but I’ve also gone from an exclusively in-person practice to entirely online and over the phone.

Anyone else sometimes have to look in the mirror and ask if this is really our life right now?

I’ve traded a basement clinical office for my own home; leather arm chairs for a webcam; my empathy is being translated through a headset and a cellphone. Myself and a nation of other counselors have had to learn some new methods and considerations in a very short time frame. The ethics, the equipment, confidentiality and rapport. How do I build a relationship, how do I practice active listening, how do I mirror someone I can’t even see?

And you! The client! You’re being faced with the same challenges! Your therapist no longer can see you in their office and while that might seem trivial, it can feel like a loss. Where we do therapy can be just as important as how we do it; that comforting cozy couch, the eclectic decorations, that clipboard and mug of tea you’re used to seeing in front of you. Even your counselors smile, or nodding head can bring its own sense of security. It sets the tone, it welcomes you, it becomes familiar. Some therapists have even given up their spaces all together, to manage the financial change. Maybe your therapist is like me, and has shut down their office space for now with plans to re-open soon but with a changed look. 6 feet of distance. No business cards, no blankets and pillows. Art therapists and play therapists needing to cut some critical materials from their toolboxes and creatively find many more that can be easily disinfected in between clients.

Long story short – it’s all different now.

But there’s hope.

Just as I have learned how to navigate therapy in a whole new way, so can you. And actually, there may be even more benefits! (Hear me out!) Therapy can now be even more accessible to you. Any where, any time, in the safety and comfort of your home. No fees for parking, no cost of gas and travel time. I, for one, am more willing to have later appointments at night with teletherapy, since there’s no need to stress about getting home since I’m already there!

But we do still need to acknowledge that teletherapy is a shift, and one that we can do really well, or really poorly (as both client and therapist alike).

I’m going to share with you my top Do’s and Don’ts for Teletherapy, and the tips for getting the most out of your time learning this new way of connecting with your therapist.

DO find a private, calm and quiet place to do your therapy. Seek out a stable spot, where you can avoid interruptions and distractions. Close the door in a bedroom, or an office space. Heck, I’ve had folks answer my calls in their vehicles, parked in the driveway! It might be hard to find this space, but do your best, or talk to your family about setting aside the hour of time that you need.

DON’T have your appointment while you are in a crowded, public, loud, or distracting environment. Try to be away from kids and family if you can. Some people have liked having teletherapy appointments outside in their backyard, but I encourage you to consider how you feel about your privacy, depending on what your property might look like, or how close you are to your neighbours.

DO consider the environment you’re going to be doing your therapeutic work in. Your therapist typically tries to make their space supportive to the tasks of therapy. It is uncluttered, calming, often has symbols of inspiration in it. So feel free to set up a spot for yourself that brings these things to mind. Make it comfortable with blankets and pillows, a cup of tea or water, a favourite smell or diffuser, a favourite chair, paper and a pen. You’d be amazed how much this can help get you into the right mindset for your session. If you’re a fidgeter, like me, consider having something close at hand to keep your hands busy while you listen and talk – like putty, a fidget toy, even a smooth stone (as long as it’s not too distracting). I normally provide these for my clients in my office, so get creative and see what works for you.

DON’T have your appointment in a place that makes you feel more anxious just being there, or just plain doesn’t feel conducive to counseling. If you feel triggered or disturbed by your environment, this might wash over into your therapeutic work and you’ll struggle to find that flow you had with your counselor. Try not to have your appointment with all your to-do lists and the overflowing laundry basket right beside you, or somewhere that you are concerned about others hearing you. Try not to do it someplace with no room to sit or relax. This time is for you, and it is a sacred space so only invite and cultivate the energy you want!

DO set aside time for your appointments. Just because you’re at home doesn’t mean you should have your attention divided! You are paying for this time with your therapist and the work is meaningful. So mark the time on the calendar, and work with your family and support circle to help you make this time stick. Be prepared a few minutes early, settled in your preferred spot. Set a timer on your phone or calendar to remind you that the call is coming. Many therapists offer convenient text or email reminders as well!

DON’T use this time for other tasks or forget to mark the time down. It’s tempting to tidy up, do the dishes, even drive while taking a teletherapy call (or to simply forget it’s happening all together) but for your sake and your safety, please try to avoid this. This time is for you and your mental health, and trying to do that while grocery shopping or visiting with a friend is disrespectful to your needs (and maybe to the therapist too…) Driving while talking on the phone, even hands free, can be even more tricky for therapy and I, myself, will not have a session while someone is driving. Why? Because I worry about them being distracted, being emotional, or even being mobile and I have no accurate way of knowing where they are should they need help. Most teletherapy appointments, your therapist will ask where you are, just to be sure they can send help should the worst happen while on a call.